Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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