Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
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