I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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