Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
