I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ketchup is God's man juice
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
