Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
