Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
