This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize