after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
