Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
