ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
