i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
