I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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