Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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