Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
try to milk me bitch
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
