About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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