Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
