How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
