I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
