there's paper in my vomit.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
