Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
