trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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