I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
