this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
