He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
