I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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