Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
