I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
