he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
