Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize