got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
