I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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