i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
