new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
