On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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