you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
