Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize