This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
