omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
