My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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