I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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