She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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