He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
