You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
