9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
