I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
