the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
