I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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