Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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