I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my sisters under your porch take her home
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
