Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
