he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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