i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had to cum in my sink.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
