My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
