I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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