I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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