Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
