he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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