i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
nutella sex= disaster
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
