we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
