you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
soo... how was my night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
