he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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